Isolated
by Nessie
Summary: Scully's feelings about her baby and Mulder.... not too gd on summaries sorry!!


ISOLATED  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, though i would luv to! I do not mean to breach any copyrights or anything like that.  
This story has not had a beta reader look over, so please bear with me!! Thanks!! :)  
RATING: PG  
SPOILERS: none really, maybe start of season 8.  
  
*FLASH BACK*  
"Are you familiar with an agent called Fox Mulder?"  
"Yes, I am. He had a nickname at the academy. Spooky Mulder."  
"Are you familiar with the so-called X-Files?"  
"I believe they have to do with un-explained phenomena."  
"More or less. The reason you are here, Agent Scully, is that we want you to assist Mulder on these X-Files."  
  
"I'm Dana Scully. I've been assigned to work with you." "Ohh, isn't nice to be suddenly so highly regarded."  
*FLASH BACK ENDS*  
  
I wish I could go back to the good old days. When I didn't know of all the evil that existed in the world. When I was younger, innocent. Ohh how time changes. But now I would not change where I am for anything in the world. I have all that I have ever wanted.... now I only need one thing to make this life perfect... Mulder. I want him to come back to me... to my baby. I do not want my miracle baby growing up without a father. I will never stop looking for him. I will go to this earth's end, and further just to find him.... safe and alive.  
  
I miss him so much. When I think about him my eyes tear up. If someone sees, I blame it on the hormones... but really it has nothing to do with them... I just miss him so much. I feel as though my heart will break in two if I never find him... a part of my soul is black, missing, because he is gone. I never thought that I would feel this way about anyone... least of all my partner. Feeling like this is tearing me up on the inside, but I don't let anyone see it on the outside. I put up my walls and only let them down at night. I sit in the dark and let the sobs come. Cuddling a pillow, I let it all flow out. When I think about him it makes me cry harder, and soon I am out of breath. I take big gulps of air, trying to keep from hyperventilating. I would never, ever tell anyone that I do this. Not even my mother, although she probably already knows. Mothers are like that.  
Finally when it all got too much to keep inside during the day, I broke down in my mothers arms as soon as she had walked in the door. She carefully guided me to the couch, holding me the whole time. For what seems like eternity, I can't stop the tears, they just keep on coming, never ending. All this time my mother has just been holding me, whispering comforting words in my ear, but they don't register in my brain. They just wash over me. I am glad that it was my mother that rang that bell, not my boss or my current partner, Agent Doggett. I do not have to explain to mom why I broke down. she already knows, not that I have told her. She senses it. Always could, always has.  
  
I wish Mulder was here now. I am having my first ultrasound. I can see our baby. It is amazing... I am looking at what I thought that I would never see. I was left barren after the tests that they had done on me. Never to get pregnant. Never supposed to feel the weight of another inside of me, never to feel morning sicknesss, never to feel the soreness of feet after a day of work. The only way that I could get pregnant was to have it done artificially, by the IVF procedure.  
I went to Mulder to see if he would be the father of my baby. After he had some time to think it over, he agreed. I was to have only three chances to get pregnant. Three chances.  
When that third and final chance did not work, I was devastated. Mulder had let himself into my apartment, awaiting my return. The look on my face said it all... it didn't work. I could feel the hot tears springing to my eyes, and Mulder gathered me up in his arms and held me tight while I cried.  
  
Looking back now it is hard to fight the tears when the memory of all the pain comes to me.   
Now I push that thought back down, and focus on the ultra sound screen. There I can see my baby... my normal, precious baby.  
I can see he or she has ten fingers and ten toes. I wish Mulder was here to witness this with me, but instead I am alone. My mother offered to come, but I told her no. If I couldn't do it with Mulder, then I would do it alone. ALONE. 


End file.
